It's that time again

It's about this time every single night that I lose every single ounce of motivation. I'd much rather be listening to my old school boy inspired iPod and play Bubble Shooter until I can't keep my eyes open. So I feel this is much more productive than playing Bubble Shooter.

I've also found how comforting a playlist can be. Especially one I made at least 4 years ago that I can come back to and fall in love with once again. It's the old Dashboard, Coldplay, All Time Low, Mayday Parade, Death Cab, and Saosin that has gotten me by here lately. I've always taken an interest in lyrics, and these have so much passion in them. If only I were profound enough to write some of my own. I feel like I have enough passion...for at least twenty people. I feel like it's one of my worst qualities--being too kind, open, and easily forgiving. Yes, most people strive for those, but why does it continue to end up only hurting me worse in the end? Why do such trivial things end up making me the most upset? I believe its thoughts like these that keep me up until all hours. When am I going to find someone that can put up with my craziness? My heart is beginning to not shine as bright, to become more fragile by the day. It terrifies me. That's always been my favorite thing about me--staying positive all the time. It's something that I've honestly had to work at, this year. The world can bring one down so easy now that I'm practically on my own. I realize how, not necessarily sheltered, but more blessed I was as a child. I was brought up by the most amazing parents, lived in a loving family. Now, I see more and more of families and situations that I've never seen. It's so foreign to me, but I'm trying to keep up. I just have to find a way to keep the faith as strong as ever, now. It's up to me and only me, until I find someone that regenerates it in me. Maybe, it's not as far away as I think...but, who knows? Not I. I want it to be, but it's not always my choice.

I miss when life was so easy. When my mom was my personal assistant, when I owned the band, when I had the world at my fingertips. Now, I have none of that. But, I'm doing a good job at standing up again, this time completely on my own.

Today I learned about sculpting German Shepherds in my scholarship meeting. That is one of the most pointless tasks I will ever learn about in the history of my life. I also had a most delicious Slurpee and got to spend time with my precious Kandra. She does know how to brighten my day, that's for sure. :)

Tomorrow should be fun...I get Pomp and Circumstance for the 4th time to play. I lose my desire to be a music major every single day. Next semester is decision time, for sure. But, as far as I know, no band kid likes Pomp and Circumstance.

And I think that's all for my procrastination tonight. :)

"Squeaky swings and tall grass

The longest shadows ever cast
The water's warm and children swim
And we frolicked about in our summer skin

I don't recall a single care
Just greenery and humid air
Then Labor day came and went
And we shed what was left of our summer skin

On the night you left I came over
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink
And I knew your heart I couldn't win
Cause the season's change was a conduit
And we'd left our love in our summer skin"